Week 14 objective - Peer Review 2

Peer Review for 20509 박상후


Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
4점! classical argument 형식으로 에세이가 깔끔하게 잘 쓰였다.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
구체적인 자료들이나 통계들이 더 많았으면 좋겠다

Thesis
What is the thesis?
Government should not censor all music with violent or explicit lyrics.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes!

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
똑같이

.Any other thoughts?
NO

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
Yes

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? 
Yes

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Yes

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
Yes

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 
Yes

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
Perfect classical argument structure!

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis? 
Disagree

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
Agree

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
에세이에 써있는 대로 music censoring이 음악가의 표현의 자유를 침해한다는 점에 동의하고, 음악 검열을 하지 않아도 범죄율이 증가하지 않는다는 것이나, 음악을 듣는 아이들에게 교육을 하는 것으로 음악검열을 대신 할 수 있다는 점에 동의한다.

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
구체적인 통계자료가 더 많으면 좋을 것 같다

Research
Is the author using research effectively? 
Yes

Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes

Are the sources obvious?
Yes

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Yes

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
Yes